You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
