Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
