its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
