is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
