I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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