Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
