We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
