i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
