i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
