Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
