Define "chronic" masturbator.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
