I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
