I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
