Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
