He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
