Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
