I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
