if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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