He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
