i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
