She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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