Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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