And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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