Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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