This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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