Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
