i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She told me I should be a condom model.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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