Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
