it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
