the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You took a bar mat shot.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
