i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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