just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
