u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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