i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
