I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
