Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
