He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
