don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
