Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
