I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
