You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
