i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
