I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
