Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
