You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
