Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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