I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
