Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
