just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
