Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this will be a night to untag.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
