Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
honey bunches of taint.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
