No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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