Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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