For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
