You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
