hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize