You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
